So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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