You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
