I just pynch a tree in the face
Who did Billy Mays play for?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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