Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
