The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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