im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
