12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
