I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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