well I can't set my house on fire every night
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
