Don't make out with my wife yet
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize