i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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