proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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