he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
