At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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