Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No subtext here. People are naked.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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