Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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