I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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