Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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