ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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