I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I understand Curling. That high.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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