there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
