The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
