i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
