Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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