Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
