best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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