Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The air was thick with penises
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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