i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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