In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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