I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
