i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
