spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
