Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
