I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize