I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
