That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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