he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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