i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
