You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
