So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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