Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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