I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
