I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize