Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
