U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
