my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
