Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize