It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
