they need to just BURY HIM!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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