It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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