I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
