jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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