here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
