This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
