When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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