where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
