I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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