her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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