I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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