Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
