can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
