Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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