1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
