My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
