Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
