To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
