I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
