I could make wine with my vomit
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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