I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize