I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
