Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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