I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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