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Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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