I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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