Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize