I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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