I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
