everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
