I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
