I puked a lego.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
