Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
