sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize