I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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