my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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