My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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