the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
