Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
