I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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