Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize