just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
