I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
