Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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