Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
