cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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