i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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