I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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