Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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