she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
