so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am mentally ready for anal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
