yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
