I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
