I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize