I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
honey bunches of taint.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
