Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize