you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
