just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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