dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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