how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
