you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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