i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize