you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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